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Fri, Nov. 16th, 2007, 01:58 am

So about... an hour and a half ago, I had a breakdown.

At my friend's bday party.

I freaked out because there were people there doing shit I don't agree with. I went outside and had a talk with Nichole. It got heated. She went inside, and her best friend came outside. Linds talked to me about the situation and just really talked some sense into my head, and really comforted me. Like, everyone has been telling me that I can do better and it's something I know to be true, but it never really sunk in until Nichole's best friend sat there and said it to me.

After that, I laid outside to clear my head and have a good cry.. Nichole came outside and we talked some more. And alot was cleared in the air.

And the thing is, we're always going to be really good friends. We're going to be those people who can go a year without contact, and then one calls the other and it's like no time has passed. It is hard for us to be around each other and not act on the feelings and attraction that both of us know is there. It's hard...

Maybe someday. Maybe someday I'll figure out this fucking thing that is dating girls... Maybe someday I'll figure out why with some people, I can so easily toss them aside.. and then with the ones that seem to end up hurting me most.. I just cannot get over...

I'll always be her girl though, according to her.



Man, this semester just needs to end. This whole year needs to be over. I want nothing more than for spring break, then summer to come. I've had my most extreme highs and extreme lows in this one fucking semester... and it really is just wearing me out.

Wed, Oct. 31st, 2007, 12:29 am

I cannot look back, because the one my heart belongs to has given hers to another.

I cannot look to the now, because the one constantly on my mind has pushed me away.

I can only look to the future, in getting out of here, and hoping that one day I'll be hit in the head and wake up with a good case of amnesia.


I really don't know what is true and real anymore. Most things and people are disappointing these days. I hate the feelings that I have for her, and I really just wish I could get her out of my head.

Sun, Oct. 28th, 2007, 09:30 pm

You know, you would think I would learn my lesson.

Having my heart broken multiple times by the same person...

Fucking patterns in my life that I need to learn to get out of.

I am just so into her right now..

And the thing that sucks the most is:

She's falling for me, hard.




And this is what it feels like to be pushed away hard, only to be dragged right back in.

Fri, Oct. 19th, 2007, 09:21 pm

I am getting tired of constantly being shafted in relationships.

I can only be patient for so long before I start to lose it.

But here I am, being reckless with my emotions. Reckless with my heart.

Because I truly believe that it will all be worth it.

It's not that she doesn't know what she wants.

She knows she wants this.

It is fear.

Fear.

Fuck.

Sat, Sep. 22nd, 2007, 08:54 pm

I haven't been this unhappy with life in a long time.
I live and work and breathe a job I don't care for at all.
I am so busy, I never see those I am closest to.
I loathe my class schedule, because I decided to change my major AGAIN.
I have a girlfriend I rarely see, and it's beginning to get weird between us.

Why is it when people look to the future, they think that what they're doing in the present is pointless? If we're happy right now, is that considered pointless because one day we won't be together?

Am I really just not worth the time to anyone?

I wish I were a good couple thousand miles away from everything I know right now.

Thu, Aug. 2nd, 2007, 02:06 pm

I like girls too much.

Mon, Dec. 25th, 2006, 09:46 pm

Life has taken an interesting turn of events this holiday season.

My brother is getting married and going to be a father.

My older sister died last week. I don't know if it's exactly set in. Actually... it hasn't.

My mom and the kids came out from Missouri to be here for my dad. My brother flew in from Italy.

The house has been full and loud and crazy. The kids are driving me nuts.

But... it's nice. I love them.

Some people will never grow out of high school... and I feel bad for them.

Some have grown into people I no longer recognize... and it's sad.

And some people are just as wonderful as they always were.... <3

Well.. that's the update. Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and all that jazz.

Thu, Nov. 2nd, 2006, 12:15 pm

This is what college does to one Karianne Howard

Making Hogwarts just a little more special



Running around in 40 degree weather in barely any clothes...



Hanging out at bars



Dyeing my hair




And this is just the first semester.. Oh boy..

Sat, Oct. 7th, 2006, 10:39 pm

Life is crazy.

School is intense.

Messy. Stressful. Complicated. Confusing.

I don't know what to think about things anymore.

I just need a break.

Thu, Aug. 31st, 2006, 12:06 am



This sums up what college has been like for me so far. Interpret it any way you'd like.



I miss her.


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